If You Live in a Glass Mouse Dept.

Top Ten Good Things About Taking a Disney Cruise as an Adult:

10. Pants are optional (cartoon characters only, apparently)
9. Adult areas are protected by magic anti-kid force field
8. Bartenders never spill your drink despite only having four fingers per hand
7. Ariel’s magnificent shells
6. The captain is always stuck being designated driver
5. They actually do serve other foods besides chicken fingers and fries
4. Pool and bar servers hate seeing an empty glass, especially at $10 a drink
3. Food comas are only temporary
2. Tinkerbell never mentioned pixie-dust is a natural aphrodisiac
1. Captain Jack Sparrow’s “Dead Men Tell No Tales” martinis

Top Ten Bad Things About Taking a Disney Cruise as an Adult:

10. Other people’s kids
9. May need a second mortgage to afford it
8. “Rum” only second most plentiful man-made fluid aboard, first being “snot”
7. Spa massage endings don’t live up to the Disney motto “The Happiest Place on Earth”
6. Other people’s kids
5. No mermaids in adults-only pool
4. Other people’s kids
3. Stepping on children is not allowed, even with giant, white, bubble-shoes
2. Other people’s kids
1. Other people’s kids